Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Adventures in HEB Shopping

Last week, Andy left town to run his 55th marathon in Florida. (Why yes, he IS crazy.) When he’s away, I like to take the opportunity to eat a ton of junk food, stay up way too late, and watch bad movies. In other words, I pretend I’m 12 again.

So, in preparation for the weekend alone with the kiddo, I hit up HEB on my way home and had quite a good time in just 10 minutes. Allow me to document the events:

5:28 p.m. – Arrive at HEB, and make a beeline to the frozen foods section, where 99 percent of my bad decisions take place.

5:29 p.m. – Grab a cheese pizza, which was on sale – proof that I am responsible. Shuffle over to the ice cream section on the same aisle (good thinking, HEB!) and grab some salted caramel Greek frozen yogurt, which still baffles me as a concept. Shouldn’t Greek frozen yogurt stick to the core flavors at the risk of ruining the taste of the really yummy ones?

5:31 p.m. – Power-walk to the back of the store (getting my cardio in for the day!) where I grab a FAMILY SIZE container of macaroni and cheese WHICH I WILL EAT ALL BY MYSELF (#goals).

5:32 p.m. – Add some fancy cheese to my basket because I am fancy girl and a bottle of Malbec because I am also cultured. (Again, nice product placement, HEB. Everything is located in a very logical place around here.)

5:34 p.m. – Head to the cereal aisle to get my favorite cereal of all time, Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch, where the following conversation takes place:

Man: Geez, are there enough sugary cereal options or what!?
Me: Oh, I know! It’s so overwhelming!
Man: In my day, we stuck to the basics and there weren’t so many terrible options! But my kids love all this gross stuff! [grabs a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch]
Me: Yeah… Ha, mine too… [grab my box of Peanut Butter Crunch]

5:36 p.m. Run out of the aisle quickly, shamefaced, and vowing to never ever let Walter eat like me. I make my way to the medicine aisle to grab Claritin – and by Claritin, I mean the generic HEB kind (because not only do I care about my budget, I CARE DEEPLY ABOUT MY HEALTH).

5:38 p.m. – Realizing I forgot a bag*, I attempt to carry all my goods out of the store using just my hands. I assume I look like a very greedy – but very slow – thief.

In closing, I’d like to wonder aloud why I’m not losing as much weight as I should be on my Weight Watchers plan?

*Stores no longer supply plastic grocery bags within Austin city limits.

No comments:

Post a Comment