Last
week, Andy left town to run his 55th marathon in Florida. (Why yes, he IS
crazy.) When he’s away, I like to take the opportunity to eat a ton of junk
food, stay up way too late, and watch bad movies. In other words, I pretend I’m
12 again.
So, in
preparation for the weekend alone with the kiddo, I hit up HEB on my way home
and had quite a good time in just 10 minutes. Allow me to document the events:
5:28 p.m. – Arrive at HEB, and
make a beeline to the frozen foods section, where 99 percent of my bad
decisions take place.
5:29 p.m. – Grab a cheese pizza,
which was on sale – proof that I am responsible. Shuffle over to the ice cream
section on the same aisle (good thinking,
HEB!) and grab some salted caramel Greek frozen yogurt, which still baffles
me as a concept. Shouldn’t Greek frozen yogurt stick to the core flavors at the
risk of ruining the taste of the really yummy ones?
5:31 p.m. – Power-walk to the
back of the store (getting my cardio in
for the day!) where I grab a FAMILY SIZE container of macaroni and cheese
WHICH I WILL EAT ALL BY MYSELF (#goals).
5:32 p.m. – Add some fancy cheese
to my basket because I am fancy girl and a bottle of Malbec because I am also
cultured. (Again, nice product placement,
HEB. Everything is located in a very logical place around here.)
5:34 p.m. – Head to the cereal
aisle to get my favorite cereal of all time, Cap’n Crunch’s Peanut Butter Crunch,
where the following conversation takes place:
Man:
Geez, are there enough sugary cereal options or what!?
Me: Oh,
I know! It’s so overwhelming!
Man: In
my day, we stuck to the basics and there weren’t so many terrible options! But
my kids love all this gross stuff! [grabs a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch]
Me:
Yeah… Ha, mine too… [grab my box of Peanut Butter Crunch]
5:36 p.m. – Run out
of the aisle quickly, shamefaced, and vowing to never ever let Walter eat like
me. I make my way to the medicine aisle to grab Claritin – and by Claritin, I
mean the generic HEB kind (because not
only do I care about my budget, I CARE DEEPLY ABOUT MY HEALTH).
5:38
p.m. – Realizing I forgot a bag*, I attempt to carry all my goods out of the
store using just my hands. I assume I look like a very greedy – but very slow –
thief.
In
closing, I’d like to wonder aloud why I’m not losing as much weight as I should
be on my Weight Watchers plan?
*Stores no longer supply plastic grocery bags within Austin city limits.
